The power of "power postures"

For those who have not seen it, I highly recommend watching Amy Cuddy's TED talk on power postures. Available, for example, here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ks-_Mh1QhMc

Here are some useful key take-aways we can apply in our personal lives:

1. Assuming a powerful, confident and relaxed posture, e.g. opening up your chest and arms, can significantly boost your level of confidence prior to crucial events, such as job interviews or presentations.
2. Pay attention to your posture during the day and correct whenever you notice a problem. For example, try sleeping in a power posture and enjoy the additional energy you will have the next morning :-)

How can you apply power postures in your life?

Some take-aways from the book "You don't have to be born brilliant"

Just finished this very good book by John McGrath and thought that there some very valuable insights that I would like to share with you.

1. Retrain your mind to habitually think thoughts that are useful. Being positive and solution-oriented is always the best choice. This does not mean to ignore pain or suffering, but rather to look for solutions wherever possible and to accept what is not changeable.
2. Most change comes slowly and requires hard work and persistence. Don't give up and you can improve your life in the areas that matter most.
3. Be disciplined and use systems to automate mundane areas of life, e.g. checklists, routines and information technology. Note: A brilliant example of this is described in David Allen's "Getting Things Done". This way, you free up your mind to do the really important things, e.g. doing creative thinking and working on your most important life projects.
4. Regularly update your personal goals (long and short-term) and discuss them with people holding you accountable. By clearly knowing the direction of your life every day, you are much more likely to make the right decisions and find new creative solutions to problems you encounter.

Summary of Chapter 11: "Playing Inside the Piano"

Most of us think we understand biblical spirituality; we think we have heard it all before. Yet the more I learn, the more I realise that biblical faith radically surprises you, just when you think you understand it. The Bible is like a never-ending river of spiritual resources, like on of those computer-generated fractals that keeps going deeper and becoming more vivid. The Bible has radical ways of teaching us about the redemption of our desires and the path towards holiness and shalom.

Take the story of a couple with marital difficulties where the spouses seemed to be bored and take each other for granted. Their counsellor advised them to make a radical experiment. He told the wife to dress up, head down to the bar, and sit at a table. The husband was ordered to enter the bar separately and sit away from his wife, watching her. The husband began to notice that men in the bar were sneaking glances at his wife. Some men even made advances toward her. When one man initiated an attempt to seduce her, the husband, enraged with jealousy, rushed across the bar, his heart pounding with passion and anger. Suddenly, the husband no longer saw the woman he had become so familiar with; instead, he saw this woman whom other men were trying to seduce. Likewise, the wife no longer saw a man who had become bored with her; now he was a lover, fighting off other men just to have her. The couple, whose sex life had been almost non-existent lately, who had fallen out of love with each other, were so filled with passion that they couldn't even make it home and ended up making love in their car. The point is: jealousy, brought under the Lordship of God, that is in its correct place, can be holy.

Similar truth applies to sexual desires or lust in general. Our culture tries to turn the physical into a commodity. Instead of seeing beauty as a fleeting pointer to a reality beyond, lust turn us onto a dead-end street. The antidote to list is to put beauty in its divinely ordered place, to treat it as a calling card from the redeemed world to come. Sexuality is about so much more than just the act of sex; it is about the whole person. We need to learn to stay on the path of holiness, moving closer and closer to our true self.

To find our true selves, we first must give up our lives. We see this most clearly in the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. The victory for humanity, the defeat of evil, death, sin, flesh, sarx, and injustice, comes through the giving up of life. This is the last but hardest part of our journey toward our true selves. It is the final step - to become our real selves, we must die to those parts of us that are not truly us. As Jesus said to his disciples, "Whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me and for the gospel will save it" (Mark 8:35).

Once you begin to shed your media masks and false public self, you begin to walk the path of holiness and shalom toward your true self. You will find that you begin to see sparks of eternity in your own life. You will see tiny signs each day of how you are becoming more like Christ. But you will also begin to see that spark, that potential, in others. You will often see it in people who cannot see it in themselves - perhaps in a family member or friend. But other times you will look down into the mud and much of contemporary life, and behind the public selves, the media masks, the actors in your life movie, the people turned into products, you will look into the eyes of others and you will see that undeniable spark of the image of God. And you will find your fingers fumbling in your pockets to find a white stone, with a new name on it. Everything within you will wish that you could pass them that smooth, cold, tangible reminder that Jesus stands holding a white stone with their true name written on it.

And so I wish that I could reach into my pocket and hand you a white stone. But I cannot, so this book is my white stone to you. A stone that also works as a key, opening a doorway out of the cramped, stale confines of the horizontal self, filling you with the gusts of fresh air perfumed with the scent of eternity.

Conclusion, I want to recruit you to become part of a revolution of the vertical self. More than ever individuals need to see themselves as God sees them. So many of the problems in our culture stem from a misunderstanding of our true identities.Let's not beat around the bush; if you are to shake off the effects of living under the horizontal self, and if you are to journey toward your true self, you will need people to keep you accountable and that journey together with. Three people would be a good number, even though it could be more or less. Now, here is where the magic lies. Just imagine if the three people that you choose go on to each choose another three people and so on. You have the power of multiplication at work, and before you know it you have affected hundreds of people. Keep multiplying and you are talking about a movement of people discovering their true identities in Christ. Be creative and find ways that work with your personality type. So it does not matter how you do it; what matters is that you do it.

Let the movement toward our true selves begin!

Source: Mark Sayers (2010), The Vertical Self, p.151-171

Summary of Chapter 10: "Meeting Your Future Self"

As Christians, we need to practice a holiness rooted in the biblical notions of creation and re-creation. For too long, Christian holiness has been defined by its dualism, the tendency to divide to divide the world into good and bad, spirit and matter, saint and sinner. You are a vital and irreplaceable element of God's good creation. We don't need to find ourselves; rather, we need to rediscover our original purpose by imitating God's creative endeavours in making the world a better place. God invites us to join him in making the creation whole. We possess tremendous power; we can improve the world and our lives through cooperation with God, or we can bring injustice, destruction, and death into the world through our insistence on relying not on God but on our own abilities and powers.

It is interesting to note that when some people in the Bible encountered Jesus, they were given a new name, like the name we will be given on the white stone mentioned in Revelation 2:17. Therefore, if we are to rediscover who we really are, we must find the blueprint of who we are meant to be in the person of Christ. We have two choices before us. We can attempt to find a sense of self in the patterns of this world, or we can put our trust in the source of our true identity. Just as in Paul's day, our culture today offers competing visions of self. The "powers and principalities" exist in our time just as they did when Paul was writing.

The same choice confronts us today, and the ramifications of the choice we make can be just as serious. We can bring upon ourselves a kind of self-judgement in which we fall into a forgetfulness of God, an ignorance of the fact that God is the source of all life. Cut off from this source, we find our behaviour becoming less human and more animalistic. This is what happens when we give ourselves over to what Paul describes often as "the flesh". When Paul, writing in Greek, penned the world we translate as "flesh", he used the Greek word sarx. To describe our physical bodies, he used the word soma, which is most often translated as "body".

Thus, the path of holiness is about ridding ourselves of sarx that is, anything in life - attitudes, relationships, actions, desires, or worldviews - that carries with it the spirit of death and corruption, that moves against God's intention for the world. Imagine Paul's plea to rid ourselves of our flesh as a plea to rid ourselves of that which is not our true self. For example, casual sex carries with it the spirit of sarx. By sleeping with people with whom we have no binding relationship, we end up using them as commodities through which to satiate ourselves. This outcome may not be immediately apparent; in fact, a casual sexual encounter may initially seem thrilling and satisfying. But that misses the point. The spirit of sarx is corrosive, i.e. its effects wear at us over a long time. Treat others as commodities rather than humanising them, and ultimately you find yourself becoming dehumanised by others or by yourself.

We all desperately want to move toward our true selves, but our desires, egos, and impulses derail our attempts. Our culture doesn't have the answers for the conflicts that we feel over our desires. Sometimes we feel power urges to yell at people, to have sex with people we are not married to, or to eat large amounts of junk food that we know isn't good for our bodies. Thus, we find within ourselves a battle. Part of the problem lies in the way we, as Christians, have dealt with our desire: we have been encouraged to either ignore them or completely repress them. Yet when we repress something, we know it usually returns with more force or pops up in another place or in another form. However, the Bible offers a completely different approach: the redemption of our desires. The point is that God has placed our human desires in us for a purpose; they are not to be destroyed but harnessed. For example, sex can be an uncaring, selfish and empty act between to self-loathing individuals, or it can be the pinnacle of a lifelong commitment that becomes a spiritual act of worship.

Those of us who are determined to take seriously the challenge of spiritual growth see our desires as a chance to find our true selves. Biblical spirituality recognises that our temptations are unique to our personalities. For example, some of us are able to drink alcohol with no ill effects, while others of us find that alcohol harms our health, impedes our ability to make wise decisions, and affects the way we treat others. Some people have no problem enjoying healthy friendships with people of the opposite sex, but for others, the world of those relationships is a minefield of sexual and emotional entanglements. In most cases it seems that we challenged and tempted in the areas in which we are meant to grow. While we can't avoid challenges and temptations, we can choose how we respond to them when they arise.

As C.S. Lewis wisely wrote: "Indeed, if we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospel, it would seem that Our Lord finds our desires, not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered to us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday to the sea. We are too easily pleased." God has much greater pleasures in store than the very short-term exciting pleasures of sin that corrode our true selves over time.

Scripture provides us with four great themes that aid us as we attempt to bring balance to our impulses and desires. They help us to redeem our desires so that we can move toward our future selves:

1. Bringing our desires under Christ's lordship: Humility is a forgotten art in our culture of self-promotion and self-obsession. By admitting that we are works in progress, we create a space of humility. We are saying that when it comes to becoming fully human, we don't have all the answers; those answers are to be found only in God.
2. Bringing our desires under covenant: The Bible calls us to covenantal relationship with other believers, with the poor (Prov 31:20), with the marginalised and despised (Lk 10:25-37), with creation (Gen 1:28-31), and even with our enemies (Lk 6:35)
3. Testing the worthiness of our desires: A great way to test the worthiness of our desires is to examine whether they reflect a respect of the image of God in others and ourselves. Our culture has moved away from the idea of respecting the image of God in others. Instead, it turns others into mere social images and robs them of their humanity. Therefore, we must ask ourselves whether our desires are helping us cultivate the image of God in us. Scripture is the standard against which we can hold our desires to ensure that we are respecting the image of God.
4. Testing the fruitfulness of our desires: We can tell something is in correct balance when it produces fruit. An excellent test of our desires and impulses is to ask whether they are cultivating godly fruit in others, our desires and actions should add to the betterment of this world.

Source: Mark Sayers (2010), The Vertical Self, p.102-150

Summary of Chapter 9: "Say Hello to Your Future Self"

We must look beneath the surface of the public personae  the media masks, and the false selves. We see a desire for truth, albeit misguided. We know that deep down we desire to connect and be ourselves with people who are whole, people who echo a sense of the eternal. Certain individuals are intriguing to us because they seem to be alive. Survey after survey tells us that confidence is the most attractive quality we find in other people. We value a sense of knowing one's self and a sense of mystery that hints at both tranquillity and strength.

As people with a horizontal view of self, we spend so much time cultivating our outward appearances and shaping our public performances that we neglect our interior lives. That is to say, we neglect our souls. As theologian and writer Eugene Peterson said: "In our current culture, "soul" has given way to "self" as the term of choice to designate who and what we are. "Self" is the soul minus God." If we are to rescue ourselves and our culture from the crisis of self, we must re-image ourselves in the image of God.

Our culture associates being bad with fun: the term naughty is now associated with sexual pleasure; ice cream advertising encourages us to give in to temptation; motorcycle ads tell us to be bad. Why should you try to be good in a world where being naughty is the way you have fun? In fact, having fund by being naughty is almost celebrated as a counter-cultural act of freedom fighting. Time and time again, popular culture pits the pleasure-seeking "good guys" against those killjoys who wish to stop the party people from having a good time (which is normally equated with getting high, losing your virginity, throwing a wild dance party, or all of the above).

The struggle to be "bad" in the face of a mythical enemy who wants you to conform is almost a political struggle. This cultural myth means that our societies change little. The hard work that is required to change unjust laws and policies, or the long-term commitment to community development that is needed to help the poor, does not look very "sexy" when compared to the mythology of a "party on" revolution of being bad. Thus, social systems don't change and the irony is that the false freedom fight of pleasure only serves to keep unjust structures in place.

Some past saints were influenced by a worldview that saw the material world as evil and as something to retreat from. That is why so many of them fled to the desert or the wilderness or to monasteries. While some of these saints became literal martyrs, others saw their separation from the world for the sake of holiness as a kind of martyrdom. Thus, it is little wonder that many young adults look at holiness as a form of social death.

Sadly, Christians have proven that sin can and does happen in the Christian ghetto; it just usually happens behind closed doors. Such dualistic views of holiness seem millions of miles away form the reality of our lives and our spiritual capabilities  These views are based on a worldview of escape and detachment. Biblical faith, however, gives us a spirituality based on struggle and engagement.

Therefore, we require a more robust approach to holiness, one that takes seriously the temptations we face daily, one that recognises that we are able to act in destructive ways, one that does not require us to flee the mission field to which Jesus sent us, and one that does not require us to abandon our ordinary lives to achieve spiritual growth. To walk the path of holiness and to find our true selves, we need to rediscover a biblical holiness grounded in the value of creation.

Source: Mark Sayers (2010), The Vertical Self, p.78-101

Summary of Chapter 8: "The Social Self of Glamorous"

You might have seen the movie Breakfast at Tiffany's in which the main actress attempts to inject meaning and sense of mystery into her life by pretending to live a life that is glamorous. This is a very poignant picture of what many people do in our culture today. Glamour has become a way that ordinary people try to capture that sense of mystery. Celebrity worship, fashion magazines, and luxury goods all offer people the chance to take on the Glamorous public self. Having culturally lost a sense of the sacred, we grasp at what seems the closest replica of mystery and transcendence. We fall into the trap of worshipping the creation instead of the Creator.

I was speaking at a church service about faith and young adults when I was approached by some young women in their twenties who asked me why there were no eligible guys left in the church. I looked around and spotted a guy who looked the same age as them. He was over six feet tall, well built, and handsome. He stood talking to a friend in a casual stance. He was probably the hippest-dressed guy in the room. I nodded toward him and said to the girls, "What about him? Is he single?". They rolled their eyes at each other and said, "Yes, he is single - but no way." I said, "What? Are you kidding me - this guy is single? He looks like a male model!" One of the girls replied, "Yeah, but he does not know who he is." Despite the fact that he fulfilled all of the requirements for being attractive in our culture, his lack of self-awareness meant that he also lacked that indescribable quality that the term cool encompasses.

Our culture's obsession with the concept of sexy and cool goes beyond any addiction to sex or consumerism. On one hand, these concepts represent a diminishment of our humanity. Instead of moving us toward our true selves, they move us away from ourselves. On the other hand, both concepts attempt to capture a sense of self that our culture has forgotten. When we encounter someone with a special indefinable quality that we find intriguing, that person elicits a reaction in us that reveals that something else is going on. We use the purest senses of the words sexy and cool and glamorous to describe this mystery, this unknowability, this transcendence that we occasionally sense in people.

Source: Mark Sayers (2010), The Vertical Self, p.74-77

Summary of Chapter 7: "The Social Self of Cool"

In many ways cool is the cousin of sexy. It is in some ways the male equivalent of sexy. Sure, guys can be sexy and girls can be cool, but you'll hear sexy more often attached to females and cool to males. Like sexy, cool is just as mysterious and hard to pin down. It is used to describe an inordinate number of situations, objects, people, and activities. Never before has a word been so often used but so hard to define. And just as our culture promises those who master the sexy social self a meaningful and fulfilling life, the same is promised to those who can master the cool persona.

The story of cool begins in a very different place than we might imagine. Three of the most common cool expressions - "That's hip," "I dig that", and "That's cool" - have their origins in African tribal culture, specifically in the Yoruba and Ibo cultures of West Africa. As cool moved beyond those who understood its original ethos, it began to change. No longer was it simply a tool of dignity and survival; it became a way of defining yourself as an adolescent growing up in the midst of modern social alienation. It didn't take long for marketers to realise how much money could be made from exploiting young people's desire to find identity through cool.

Cool became a way of being seen. It moved from an attitude to an aesthetic. Hollywood, rock 'n' roll and a booming consumer market ensured that cool became the perfect social mask to wear in an age in which media was beginning to dominate social consciousness. This version of cool is exactly the same as sexy; both are all about being watched. As people became less defined by their contribution to society and by their pasts, the new media landscape was all about producing the right image. Cool was a performance. Today, as we are so used to seeing the public performance, we no longer question it. Yet a closer examination of cool reveals fascinating insights into who we wish to be.

Cool offers middle-class people a chance to escape their self-consciousness and to be comfortable and affluent. The teenager from the leafy green, well-to-do suburb can, with a flick of his cap and a pair of baggy pants, take on the gangster persona in an attempt to have the street cred of the ghetto rub off on him. The performance of cool offers the social actor the benefits of imitating a cultural outsider without any of the social cost. Cool gives those who feel entrapped by the normality and conformity of modern mass culture a chance to escape into a fantasy world of false danger and fake rebellion. Meanwhile, beneath the surface we can find a deep desire to discover or rediscover personal authenticity.

Source: Mark Sayers (2010), The Vertical Self, p.65-73

Summary of Chapter 6: "The Social Self of Sexy"

The screech of the car's tires announced their arrival in the petrol station parking lot. Their purple sports car bore a Playboy bunny sticker and pumped out bass lines. They both disembarked from the vehicle as if they were arriving at an awards show. They were in their midtwenties and wore the classic contemporary uniform: miniskirts, tight-fitting tank tops, dyed blonde hair, perfect tans, and expensive make-up. Their physiques gave away the fact that these girls spent a lot of time toning up at the gym. As they filled their gas tank, they tried to act casual, but it was obvious that they were anxious to know if they had an audience. Unfortunately, I was the only one in the parking lot, and as they walked inside to pay, they both glanced at me with their best seductive looks. Wow.

As the young women drove away, I realised they were acting out a learned script. Beneath the make-up and grooming, beneath the diligently learned visual cues of seduction, it was obvious that these two girls were actually deeply insecure. They were not at all interested in me; I was simply playing a key function in their performance. I was their audience. They wanted to be noticed. They wanted me - a man - to affirm that their carefully orchestrated act of 'sexiness' made them people of worth. They wanted to know that the public 'self' they had crated had been a success. It probably wound't have mattered if I were female; I'm sure they would have been just as happy to be recipients of female envy as opposed to male appreciation. Both would have confirmed their social currency - the sense that they were worthwhile human beings. Both would have aided them in their misguided attempts to find their true selves.

We are a culture obsessed with sexy. It is one of the most dominant disposable identities we encounter. The word sexy is now a cultural phenomenon. To label something sexy is to say that it is desirable and connected to pleasure and power. Today, in the age of the horizontal self, in which delayed gratification is downplayed and temporary pleasure is valued, the media mask of 'pleasure (and power) provider' carries enormous cultural currency. What is important is not what is going in someone's real life but the show she or he is putting on for the audience of her/his peers.

Source: Mark Sayers (2010), The Vertical Self, p.57-64

Summary of Chapter 5: "Pop-Culture Memories of Wholeness"

When it comes to the influence of the Christian faith, a great forgetting has occurred (similar to movie Memento in case you've seen it). The average citizen of the West is almost totally unaware of the extent to which Christianity has shaped his or her worldview. So many have forgotten the ways in which the biblical imagination has shaped our arts; our concepts of justice, equality, and human rights; our ideas of personhood, of goodness, and morality. So much of what we value as a culture is born out of Christianity; yet average people are unaware of the mountain upon which they stand. This could not be more true of our concepts of identity.

Just think of all the movies you have watched. Think of the way the woman screams when she is confronted by the killer in the horror movie. Think of the hardened cop who bends the rules to bring crooks to justice. Recall the way the seductress dances, the way the devilishly hip criminal delivers his lines, the way the quarterback celebrates his touchdown. All of these memories provide a sort of storehouse of instructions of how to act. With no set identity given to us anymore, we delve into that storehouse to know which way to act, which way to be, which identities or roles to perform. Our culture offers us disposable identities - for example, the sexy identity, the cool identity, the glamorous identity. Yet when we look behind these identities, we find elements that point us back to a true sense of self. Listen closely enough, and you will hear echoes of wholeness, forgotten shadows of our true selves.

On one hand, these social selves, i.e. sexy, cool and glamorous, take us away from our true selves. They move us toward parody and the perversion of our humanity. Yet when we dig deep enough behind the clichés and performances, we find tiny grains of truth, memories of wholeness. To move forward effectively toward our true selves in our culture today, we must examine these social selves and their power to influence our behaviour both negatively and positively.

The next chapter will examine some of the identities commonly acted out in today's youth and young (and also not-so-young) adult culture.

Source: Mark Sayers (2010), The Vertical Self, p.54-56

Summary of Chapter 4: "Life, the Movie"

Welcome to life as a movie. At weddings in the past, the bride and groom were merely bit players in a community event. But approximately twenty years ago that changes, and weddings became more about the wants and desires of the bride and groom. Today, they are full-blown media events in which the lines between entertainment and real life become blurred. They are now about delivering a celebrity-for-a-day experience - attempting to bring the mythology of movies into everyday life. And this is not just happening with weddings.

The advent of the cinema was key in destroying the line between stage and real life. Today, Hollywood starlets will sometimes spend days preparing for a red carpet appearance. It is a major preproduction. The combined effect of this makeover is that the starlet looks very different than she does in her normal, everyday life. Pretty much all celebrities are actors these days, whether they make a living acting or not. Celebrities play a key role in our culture today. They offer a framework for how we should behave. As with the saints of the Middle Ages, their lives are held up to be emulated. However, as a result we fall into a trap that celebrities have been experiencing for years: the split between the public self and the private self, a sort of identity confusion.

In our culture today, once a camera is turned on, everything changes. Almost subconsciously we begin to act differently. Put simply, people tend to act out what they see on the screen. Media theorist Douglas Rushkoff calls this a "media loop": we are influenced by the media we watch and consume, so we start to act ourselves and turn our lives into media events. Both feed of each other: our media reflects our culture, but it also shapes our culture and us.

The entertainment age and the horizontal self have led us to divorce what we believe from what we experience, see and feel. The elephant in the living room of contemporary Christianity is people's ability to simply sit in church, to consume the experience the way one would a great sporting event, a thrilling movie, or an exciting theme park ride, and then to dispose of it, totally unchanged at the soul level. Christianity becomes just another social self to put on and take off - like a pair of jeans. We, as the church, will find ourselves in the same predicament as those with the worldview of the horizontal self - focused on the external and the temporal, engrossed with sensation, obsessed with refining our image - all the while forgetting that we are created in the image of the Creator.

Source: Mark Sayers (2010), The Vertical Self, p. 36-53

Summary of Chapter 3: "Finding Yourself"

We have now entered a new age of anxiety about who we are. The horizontal self places the incredible burden of finding and forging an identity upon the individual. We find ourselves in situations of constant self-questioning and self-examination. Our cultural climate dictates that all truths must be questioned, so with no truth to hold on to and any Utopian dreams of changing our culture in tatters, all that is left are interior feelings, the distraction of romantic love, and the lure of pleasurable experiences. The rules of the game keep changing. And so, to discover a sense of identity, individuals must constantly reinvent themselves.

I spoke to a group of college students recently, and they said that the biggest pressure they have in their lives is to "keep up" - keep up with the right look, the right music, and the right technologies. Many in the group shared with me that they were overwhelmed by the pressure of keeping up. They desperately wanted to just give up, but the fear of social isolation was too much, so they gave in to constant reinvention.

When we have multiple self-images we find ourselves with conflicting values and views. Because we have retreated to a culture based on publicity and the acting out of multiple identities, our moral choices do not matter. What does matter is being seen as  having the right opinions. Instead of letting our actions show our convictions, we speak empty platitudes through our blogs, bumper stickers, and T-shirt slogans. In the age of the horizontal self, backing up our opinions with the right behaviour is seen as neither essential nor necessary. It is not as important that we are good as it is that we appear good.

However, in reality, what you believe is not what you say you believe, what you believe is what you do. Think about this phrase for a moment.

We are paralysed by not knowing who we really are. Instead of having well-defined identities, we have a churning sea of conflicting feelings and desires inside us. When we don't know who we are, we find it hard to know what we should be doing. We may have the right qualifications, we may have the skills and talent, but often we fear we will make the wrong decisions about our futures.

When we don't know who we are, we become slaves to our feelings. The momentary emotions that we feel begin to dominate our lives, and we become what we are feeling in that moment. When we don't know who we are, we become entrapped by circumstance. We give up trying to find out who we are, and instead we act. We treat life as if it were a movie - our disposable identities are the roles that we play. We look to the media to provide those identities.

Source: Mark Sayers (2010), The Vertical Self, p. 21-35