Summary of Chapter 3: "Finding Yourself"

We have now entered a new age of anxiety about who we are. The horizontal self places the incredible burden of finding and forging an identity upon the individual. We find ourselves in situations of constant self-questioning and self-examination. Our cultural climate dictates that all truths must be questioned, so with no truth to hold on to and any Utopian dreams of changing our culture in tatters, all that is left are interior feelings, the distraction of romantic love, and the lure of pleasurable experiences. The rules of the game keep changing. And so, to discover a sense of identity, individuals must constantly reinvent themselves.

I spoke to a group of college students recently, and they said that the biggest pressure they have in their lives is to "keep up" - keep up with the right look, the right music, and the right technologies. Many in the group shared with me that they were overwhelmed by the pressure of keeping up. They desperately wanted to just give up, but the fear of social isolation was too much, so they gave in to constant reinvention.

When we have multiple self-images we find ourselves with conflicting values and views. Because we have retreated to a culture based on publicity and the acting out of multiple identities, our moral choices do not matter. What does matter is being seen as  having the right opinions. Instead of letting our actions show our convictions, we speak empty platitudes through our blogs, bumper stickers, and T-shirt slogans. In the age of the horizontal self, backing up our opinions with the right behaviour is seen as neither essential nor necessary. It is not as important that we are good as it is that we appear good.

However, in reality, what you believe is not what you say you believe, what you believe is what you do. Think about this phrase for a moment.

We are paralysed by not knowing who we really are. Instead of having well-defined identities, we have a churning sea of conflicting feelings and desires inside us. When we don't know who we are, we find it hard to know what we should be doing. We may have the right qualifications, we may have the skills and talent, but often we fear we will make the wrong decisions about our futures.

When we don't know who we are, we become slaves to our feelings. The momentary emotions that we feel begin to dominate our lives, and we become what we are feeling in that moment. When we don't know who we are, we become entrapped by circumstance. We give up trying to find out who we are, and instead we act. We treat life as if it were a movie - our disposable identities are the roles that we play. We look to the media to provide those identities.

Source: Mark Sayers (2010), The Vertical Self, p. 21-35

Summary of Chapter 2: "From Image of God to Public Image"

In the past, people didn't seem to struggle with the question of identity in the way we do today. Other questions were at the forefront of their minds, and they derived a sense of self from a commonly held standard. Now, I don't for one second paint a sanitized version of the past. Christian cultures have often failed to see the image of God in other cultures and, sadly, sometimes committed abominable actions in the name of Christ; but on the whole, the idea of God-given identity was foundational to a person's sense of self. The belief that humans were created in the image of God was the center point of an understanding of self. This framework of identity, with its Judeo-Christian belief in God-given identity and a Greek belief in virtuous living, can be described as "the vertical self". The vertical self explains the way that identity is developed by being part of a greater order. At the top of this vertical order is God, and humans look upward to measure their behavior against a greater moral good.

Today, the way you see yourself and understand your identity is not unique. You feel the way you do because you are a product of a culture that has shaped you to process the world in a particular way. Let's talk a quick Sociology 101 tour of the influences that make you see yourself the way you do:

1. Weird science: The rise of the modern era was directly linked to the rise of science. No longer were our identities governed by the laws of the Kingdom of God, but rather by the laws of the jungle.
2. Losing my religion: The rise of science and the modern era meant that all religious belief was questioned. Western cultures shifted faith in God to faith in our own human potential.
3. "I'm kind of a big deal": Radical individualism has shaped our self-identity.
4. Making it: A person's function became more important than his or her character.
5. Cheesy love songs ... well, sort of: Songs, movies, and novels all speak of romantic love being the most important thing in life. We are told that when we fall in love, we will "find ourselves"

The secular individual can only look sideways - hence the contrasting term horizontal self. It looks to others for a sense of identity rather than to something larger than oneself, thus finding a sense of self in one's status within society. The horizontal self looks to the world for approval and acceptance. Identity is exchanged for imagery.

When it comes to our identities, it is as if we are now homeless. We desire to find a home, a place where we can be accepted and loved unconditionally for who we are, but the age of the horizontal self means that we must keep on the move, constantly trying to play by our culture's rules of identity and constant competition with those around us for attention and affection.

Source: Mark Sayers (2010), The Vertical Self, p.7-20

Chapter 1 of Mark Sayers' Book: "Modern Identity"

Pick Your Personality
In front of me I have catalogue for cell phones. The front cover of the catalog does not feature a phone or any image at all. There is nothing to show that this catalog is even selling phones. All there is on the cover is one simple word that sumps up our age: me. As I open the catalog, I discover that each page extols the virtues of the latest models of phones for the coming season. Each page features a model or models who in some way attempt to match the "personality" of the phone. Welcome to the world in which we are told we can be anyone we want to be, where identity is no longer based in a sense of self but rather in the imagery we choose at any particular moment. Cool, sexy, glamorous: these are the new social virtues.

How did we begin to lose our identities?
We are at a unique time in history. Our world has gone through intense political, economic, social, and technological change. If you lived one hundred years ago, you would have had a very different set of social expectations placed upon you. Your social success was directly connected to your character and community involvement. However, today we no longer look to social institutions and community to find our sense of self; rather, we seek to "be free", to "express ourselves", and to "be happy with ourselves". But how do we achieve these things? We have unprecedented personal freedom, but our freedom is accompanied by a haunting sense of being lost. To find a real sense of self, to discover who we really are, we first must work out how we got in the position we are in.

Source: Mark Sayers (2010), The Vertical Self, p.1-6

Preface and Introduction to Mark Sayers' book "The Vertical Self"

In the coming weeks, we will have a look at Mark Sayer's outstanding book and briefly digest the main points of each chapter. If you like the summary of this blog, please consider buying a copy of the book.


We need to Change the Conversation

Christian leaders are engaged in a conversation about what kind of church shape will be most effective in the soil of 21st century Western culture. All our attempts to reshape Church in the West will at best be sabotaged and at worst fail because there is a huge unnamed problem with people inside the church. Slowly, inch by inch, we have replaced the biblical command to be holy with the quest for status. One of the reasons the early church grew at such a phenomenal rate was that the lives of the early Christians spoke so strongly to their neighbours. There was something different about them, something that spoke of another reality, an alternative way of living, to the culture around them. I believe that we need a revolution in how we think about church. But I believe, perhaps more importantly, that we need a revolution of the self.

Introduction
It is so easy to feel discouraged today as a believer in our secular culture, to buy the line that no one really cares about the spiritual anymore. Yet I realized that deep down, each one of us, Christian or not, is searching for that name of the white rock in the book of Revelation. We all crave to find our true identities. Each one of us, at a profoundly deep level, no matter what we believe, is being drawn, cajoled, and beckoned by God to our true selves, to find ourselves as God sees us: redeemed and perfect. Yet at the same time, this desire in us is derailed and sabotaged by our culture, which offers imitations of our true identities - faux identities, pseudoselves, and images instead of the image of God. This book is about the quest to find our true selves. It is rooted in the belief that in God's future we exist totally redeemed, exactly as he wants us to be.

Source: Mark Sayers (2010), The Vertical Self, p.xvii-xxiv

Hard work and perseverance... but also enough balance :-)

As we talked about many times before, it is vital to set yourself goals in life and work hard to achieve them. Without any effort and perseverance, you will not live the live you desire and were created for. You need a clear direction in life and others that journey together with you and hold you accountable. It is hard to find such quality people that really care for you and at the same time not let you of the hook.

However, there is a downside to all of this that is usually not sufficiently mentioned in contemporary self-development literature. This downside is overcommitment. If you do not plan enough time for rest and fun, you will burn yourself out and also not live the life you desire. Just think of many extremely busy executives who achieved most their financial goals but often have broken families at home.

So, answer the following questions for yourself and then discuss them with at least one other person:

1. Have I set myself specific, measurable, achievable, relevant and timely goals?
2. Do I regularly catch-up with at least one other person to talk about each other's progress?
3. Am I really enjoying the journey? If not, why?
4. Is there enough time for relaxation and fun in my life?
5. Can I sustain my current pace and workload also in the long run? If not, which relatively unimportant tasks can I either delegate or stop doing?

What is the big picture of your life?

What things have to happen in your life, so that one day you will look back and say: "Yes, it was really worth it?"

Focus on the big stepping stones, rather than trying to do too much at once.

What are the big stepping stones in your life? What are some things you need to stop doing so you have more time and energy to work on the things, which truly matter?

Do something great with your life and die fully given. Contribute your gifts to what matters most.

When It's All Been Said and Done

I love this song by Robin Mark. "When It's All Been Said and Done" reminds us to focus on what truly matters in life.

What will really matter when you move towards the end of your life? You brought nothing into this life when you were born and most likely you will take nothing material with you. Do you live with an awareness of this?

How do your choices in life reflect the fact that most things are temporary?

Have you discovered anything or anyone who is non-temporary?